Publisher: Himeya Cost: $29.95US

First off, for chrissake, Himeya, proofread your documentation! If the manual says night lessons (read: sex) are not necessary, then they better not be necessary. As is, two of my maids failed because I hadn't taught them properly. Now, if The Maids' Story been fun to play, that would perhaps not be a big problem. Alas, there is more to this then just a single difficulty, and as the revie... sorry, as the intelligent ranter, It is my job to point these out. Here, therefore, is a list of reasons that I reccomend you not play The Maids' Story:

1) It's shallow. The gameplay is as follows: Every day, you make a schedule for each maid, choosing from either five or six options for each of three time periods: morning, afternoon, evening. Six is WAAAY too few. Yes, True Love, which I loved, had just as many. They were also not the central focus of the gameplay. Whereas here they ARE, and it sucks. When the maids do these chores, they both gain in skill, and improve the house's condition. Wheeee. Oh, yeah, you can also check in on them, and either scold them or encourage them. When night falls, it's time for lust- you can give the girls praise or gifts for their hard work, or teach them the maid's after-hours duties. And that's basically all there is to this concept. Oh, yeah, occassionally people stop by, and you must have the maids serve them. If they do good, they'll give you some money for the house's petty cash fund. You can also pimp out your maids, if so inclined. Yay.

2) It's repetitive. The bedroom is the only place things vary to a significant extent. For the rest of the game, which is to say most of the game, virtually nothing changes. After a few hours of playing, you've basically seen it all, and you still have 70 or so game days to get through. Ugh. And even the bedroom is nothing to write home about- You order different kinds of sex acts, getting the same picture and usually the same text each time you choose a particular act. (Also, for some reason, the game always makes you start by removing the girl's panties. Even if you want her to do a blowjob or a tit-fuck, you have to remove the panties first. What, your character has to check to make sure they're still women?)

3) It's slow. This is suppossedly a micro-simulation game, somewhat like True Love or Princess Maker. Now, True Love had it's stats on a 120-point scale, with high atrophy. Princess Maker had a large number of stats, most on an 800 or 1000 point scale. The Maid's Story has the sex stat on a 100-point scale, not too bad, but all other skills are only on a five-point scale. Why does this matter? In the preceeding games, because there was such a large numerical gap between cluelessnes and grand mastery, you could *see* your progress moving by six and seven points per day, and get a feel that you were actually doing something. But in The Maids Story, because the numerical range is so small, you can't see the effect your work is having, until someone actually gains a level. The result is that you feel disinterested and unimportant, whereas a sim is suppossed to be involving and addictive. Furthermore, since there's no significant atrophy, and no major restrictions on skill gain other then your maids' stamina, the simulation aspect completely breaks down, favoring repetetive min/maxing over specialization.

4) It's totally submission stuff. Now, this is not necessarily a problem, depending on your perspective, and it would seem to be an integral part of the maid fetish. But still... there is NO option to be nice in the bedroom. You propose a sex act, and if she doesn't agree, you do it anyway. You're the boss, after all. With guests it's the same- you can reject their carnal advances on the maids, but there's no incentive to do so, and several incentives NOT to- you'll get money, and the maids will gain in their sex skill. What this means is, unless you're into submission or maids, there's really no point in the sex. Furthermore, you have to do EVERYTHING, including some stuff that is guarenteed to turn some people off- if you want them to reach the max level of skill.

5) It's badly translated. Not the well-done but over-americanized translation of EVE burst error, nor the shaky but perfectly comprehensible translation of True Love, this is just... just horrid! "a bad friend of mine"? "anti-bug spray"? "That is a big, heavy stone" (said in regards to something that can't even be considered a stone)? "Such a dude is no relative to me"? "make you not able to stand"? "It is not bad by killing germs"? "Oh, pretty? Please don't speak the truth."? Sheesh... A Winner is This One!

6) It's mosaic-censored. Okay, this is just baffling. Translation companies, and Himeya in particular, have always prided themselves on their ability to remove the mosaics used in sex scenes by virtue of Japan's censorship laws. They frequently advertise 100% Uncensored images in their games. So why the hell would they NOT remove the censorship from a game where the only scrap of value is in the H-pics? The mind boggles...

And finally, the one, all-inclusive, overriding reason to leave The Maid's Story on the shelf, a rationale encompassing all it's many flaws and problems:

It's *BORING*. Add shallowness to tedium to slow pace to niche sex appeal to major flaws in the translation, and you've got one big yawnfest. I was sick of it the second day, and haven't stopped being sick of it. Worse games I have played, but none of them such incredibly effective cures for insomnia.

Bottom Line: Spend your late nights watching Gundam Wing instead. (Seriously. Watch Gundam Wing, it rocks.)